How It All Began: Finding My Way Into Fertility Counselling

Sometimes finding our way forward begins with having the courage to close a door, even when we have no idea which one will open next.

I can still remember standing on a street corner in Toronto, my baby daughter nestled against me in her carrier, on my way to meet my cousin for lunch.

I was feeling very lost.

I can't remember whether I actually said the words out loud, but I remember them ringing loudly in my head:

"Universe, please show me the way!"

It was a desperate plea for guidance.

Several months earlier, I had made a bold decision. I had left my contract position at a hospital-based rehabilitation clinic, fully intending never to return. I had written a gracious letter expressing my gratitude for everything the experience had given me, while making it abundantly clear that I was closing that chapter of my professional life. And I meant it.

For years, I had specialized in helping people recover psychologically from workplace injuries, motor vehicle accidents, and chronic pain. It was meaningful clinical work, and I had developed considerable expertise in the field.

But the environment in which I was working had become increasingly difficult to reconcile with my values. Competing agendas too often undermined the work I believed I was there to do. I knew I couldn't continue working that way. What I didn't know was what would come next.

Closing One Door Without Knowing What Was Behind the Next

My daughter's impending arrival had given me the opportunity to step away.

And for a while, I was perfectly content. I loved being home, caring for my family, and having the space to simply enjoy that chapter of motherhood. But as the months passed, anxiety began creeping in. The reality was that I had no idea how to build a private practice outside the world I'd always known.

Until then, my clients had come through third-party referrals, primarily automobile insurers and the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB).

I had never needed to market my services directly to the public.

Did people actually pay for psychotherapy out of their own pockets?

Would anyone find me?

And if they did, what would bring them to my door?

I knew I needed to find another area of specialization.

As a mother still navigating the postpartum period, I found myself drawn back to an area of psychology that had fascinated me during my internship at London Health Sciences Centre: women's health.

I had received training in the psychological experiences associated with the hormonal changes and transitions that occur throughout a woman's life. The work had always interested me, and now, having experienced pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood myself, I felt an even deeper connection to it.

But I still couldn't quite see how to turn that interest into a viable practice.

Which brings me back to that street corner and my plea to the universe.

A Conversation Over Lunch

My cousin is a fertility specialist with her own clinic in Toronto. As we sat down for lunch that day, I shared my confusion and uncertainty about what I was going to do professionally. She listened and then offered a suggestion.

"Why don't you focus on fertility counselling? You have the right background. You would be perfect for this work."

I was intrigued. Actually, I was instantly hooked.

The suggestion connected so many pieces of my professional experience and personal interests that I hadn't previously considered bringing together. In the days that followed, something remarkable happened. I began talking about fertility, the struggle to conceive, and the emotional experiences of people trying to build their families. And people began opening up to me.

Discovering a World of Silent Struggle

I had become a mother later in life. I married at 38, and I remember how intensely focused I became on getting pregnant as soon as we tied the knot. Month after month, I rode the emotional roller coaster of anticipation, hope, and disappointment when I discovered I wasn't pregnant.

For me, that journey lasted approximately six months before I conceived naturally.

Even within that relatively short period, I remembered how consuming the experience could be. I could only imagine what it might feel like to ride that emotional roller coaster for years.

As I began speaking more openly about fertility with other parents, often while waiting to pick up my son from school, something unexpected happened.

Women and men began sharing their stories. One after another, I discovered that people I saw regularly, people whose lives appeared perfectly ordinary from the outside, had experienced significant challenges trying to conceive.

Some had undergone fertility treatments.

Some had experienced profound disappointment and loss.

Some had been fortunate enough to receive counselling support along the way.

But many had not. I was astonished.

What struck me wasn't simply how many people had struggled to conceive. It was how much they were carrying, often in silence. They were going to work, raising children, showing up for friends and family, and carrying on with their lives while privately navigating grief, uncertainty, disappointment, and decisions that could affect their entire future.

I began to understand that infertility wasn't only about whether someone could have a baby. It could challenge their relationship with their body, their sense of identity, their marriage or partnership, and even their understanding of who they were.

For someone accustomed to working hard, making plans, and finding solutions, the experience of doing everything possible and still having so little control over the outcome could be devastating. These were deeply human struggles. And I could see how much people needed a place where they didn't have to pretend they were fine.

The depth of the struggle — and the silence surrounding it — stayed with me.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Finding My Way Into Fertility Counselling

I threw myself into learning everything I could. I immersed myself in the research, read extensively about the psychological dimensions of infertility and assisted reproduction, sat with my cousin during her client meetings and learned about the entire process from both a medical and patient perspective, and sought additional training from an experienced psychologist working in the field.

The more I learned, the more convinced I became that this was where I wanted to focus my work. My background in health psychology suddenly felt especially relevant. For years, I had supported people navigating circumstances in which their bodies weren't functioning as they had hoped or expected. I understood the psychological impact of uncertainty, loss of control, changing identity, and the emotional challenges that can accompany complex medical treatment.

Now I could see how those same skills might help people navigating infertility.

And importantly, I could see how much this support was needed.

Eventually, I joined my cousin, Dr. Williams, at her fertility clinic in Toronto as a consultant performing psychological assessments prior to IVF to determine readiness and needs for additional psychological support.

What had begun as a suggestion over lunch had become a new professional direction. I had found the foundation I needed to begin again. And with it came a renewed sense of passion and purpose in my work.

The Beginning of The Design Your Life Centre

Fertility counselling became the foundation of my private practice, but the lessons I learned through this work reached far beyond fertility.

I began to see how life's greatest challenges can bring us face to face with our deepest aspirations and our greatest fears. And in that uncomfortable space between the life we long for and the fear that we may never experience it, something important can emerge: clarity about what truly matters, and an awareness of the beliefs and patterns that may have been holding us back.

This became the heart of my vision for The Design Your Life Centre. I wanted to create a place where people weren't simply helped through life's challenges but empowered to grow through them; to discover who they truly are and consciously create lives of greater meaning, authenticity, and fulfilment.

What began as my individual practice has since grown into a collective of dedicated clinicians who share that vision.

How We Support People Navigating Fertility Challenges

At The Design Your Life Centre, we support individuals and couples navigating infertility, IVF and other fertility treatments, pregnancy loss, donor conception, and the many different paths to building a family.

Our work recognizes that fertility challenges can affect far more than someone's hopes of becoming a parent. They can touch relationships, identity, self-worth, and the deeply held beliefs we carry about ourselves and our lives.

We help people navigate the very real emotional demands of the journey while creating space for greater self-understanding, resilience, and compassion. And perhaps most importantly, we offer a place where people can be honest about what they're experiencing, without feeling they need to be stronger, more positive, or more hopeful than they actually feel.

If you or someone you love is navigating these challenges, you can learn more about our approach to fertility counselling and therapy in Toronto.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Sometimes I think about that younger version of myself standing on a Toronto street corner, holding her baby daughter and wondering how she was going to find her way.

I had no business plan. No clear path forward.

Just the conviction that I could no longer continue working in a way that felt misaligned with my values, and the hope that something meaningful would emerge.

I couldn't have imagined that a conversation over lunch would introduce me to an entire world of human experience I had yet to fully appreciate.

Or that the stories shared by other parents at school pickup would deepen my commitment to supporting people through the often-invisible challenges of infertility.

Or that this new direction would become the foundation of a practice that would eventually grow into The Design Your Life Centre.

But perhaps that's one of the lessons I've carried with me ever since.

We don't always need to know exactly where we're going to recognize when it's time to take a different path.

Sometimes we have to be willing to close a door before we can see what's possible on the other side. And sometimes, the guidance we're searching for arrives through the most ordinary conversations. I'm grateful I listened.

And I'm deeply grateful for all the people whose stories have shaped the work I've been privileged to do ever since.

With love and gratitude,

Dr. Stacy Thomas

Founder & Clinical DirectorThe Design Your Life Centre

Supporting You Through Your Fertility Journey

Infertility and fertility treatment can bring challenges that extend far beyond the medical aspects of care.

At The Design Your Life Centre, we provide compassionate, specialized psychological support for individuals and couples navigating the emotional complexities of trying to conceive, fertility treatment, pregnancy-related challenges, and family building.

Explore Our Fertility Counselling Services

You can also contact our team to explore whether our services are the right fit for you.